Monday, July 31, 2006

monday roundup

the summer heat and pathetic injuries are making things a bit sluggish today, so all the rants and raves i’ve been compiling in my head are listed below. i love making lists almost as much as you love that I’m not writing yet another incredibly wordy post. so everyone wins.

The good:

Bowling! loveandcyanide went bowling saturday night for the first time in ages. ridiculous amounts of fun ensued. striped tube socks optional, although they brought luck to missy.

Stacey’s pita chips. favorite new snack obsession. don’t ask, just buy -- you know you can trust us on all things grocery.

we saw a mall security guard riding around on a Segway. tres hilarious. i kinda wanted to shoplift just for the chase.

The bad:

there was a tip jar at the register of the deli I went into this morning. is that really necessary??

This article from this week’s NY Times Magazine. journalists shouldn’t be allowed to use the word “cool” this many times in their career, let alone in one story.

don’t be fooled by its fun-sounding moniker melonade – honeydew and lemonade do not make a tasty mix.

The ugly:

mosquitos. the little suckers are after us with a vengeance.

impending week of 100+ temps. already screwy electricity. what are the odds our neighborhood'll go dark again?

being so out of shape that your arm is sore from bowling (see “pathetic injuries” above)

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

the ABC's of B.E.A.R.. .

ever since this blog was nicely marketed as two girls and a homosexual stuffed bear there has been a noticeable lack of all things gay and fuzzy. i am here to fix that... and so, a little about me, B, to bring the g-a-y back to the blogosphere.

A - Available: yes
A - Age: 6
A - Annoyance: sharing my bed with more than one person.

B - Best feature on yourself: my little tummy. everyone loves to rub it.
B - Beer: i'm a heiny man.
B - Birthday: June 13, 2000

C - Crush: Supertoro, te amo. <3
C - Car: bears don't drive!
C - Candy: swedish fish. i'm a hunter at heart.

D - Day or night: the wild night is calling.
D - Dream Car: bears. don't. drive.
D - Dogs or Cats: i like to cuddle with cats, they're just about my size.

E - Egg nog: Yummm.
E - E-mail:

F - Favorite color: Purple pride.
F - Favorite Band: The Scissor Sisters. Babydaddy = the original bear.

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: Bears do it better.
G - Giver or taker: i'm a taker.

H - Hair Color: beige
H - Height: 3'2
H - Happy: content

I - Ice Cream: chocolate
I - Instrument: tuba
I - Idol: David Lee Roth, although i've been known to have the McPhee-ver.

J - Jewelry: a diamond collar.
J - Job: Gigolo, Psychotherapist and GuardBear.

K - Kids: children slobber on my fur, it's not happening.
K - Kickboxing or karate: working out is for bitches.

L - Longest Car Ride: being jammed into a duffle bag for weekend train/ferry/car commutes to the parents. gag.
L - Lamest Inside Joke: about me needing a bath. i'm anti rinse cycle, get over it!

M - Milk Flavor: chocolate.
M - Most missed person: i miss living with jenniebelle and watching really horrible reality tv with her on our tiny dirty couch.

N - Number of Siblings: 0
N - Number of Tattoos: 0
N - Name: Bear.

O - One wish: my own room. four people in a two bedroom? torture!
O - One regret: agreeing to that one ride in the machine that shredded my leather nose..

P - Part of your appearance you like best: my scruffy fauxhawk.

Q - Quick or Slow: i'm portly, i do things accordingly.

R - Reasons to smile: my big comfy bed.
R - Reality TV Show: project runway! robertbest, call me<3

S - Song Last Heard: just a gigolo, by my idol.
S - Season: winter. i'm all about hibernation.
S - Shoes you're wearing: BEARfoot is the way to go.

T - Time you woke up: Noon
T - Time Now: 4:22
T - Time for bed: nap in about an hour, wake up, eat, go back to the third world country formerly known as astoria, bed by 10pm.

U - Underwear: commando.

V - Vegetable you hate: all of them!
V - Vegetable you love: none, i'm a carnivore.
V - Vacation spot: i heard something about south america being next so i can bring my spanish skills to Machu Picchu. Viva Le Oso!

W - Worst habit: my wandering eyes and come hither look.
W - Weather: cold, i do have arctic blood.

X - there is no x, this is possibly the worst survey ever and my tiny cotton stuffed brain is reeling at the inadequacy of the human race to invent a comprehensive, intelligent myspace questionnaire.

Y - Year it is now: 2006
Y - Yellow: snow!

Z - Zoo Animal: central park polar bears!
Z - Zodiac Sign: gemini.

torture by chitchat or: why some people shouldn't be allowed out of their homes.

I’m not a fan of baseball. If I’m actually going to sit down and watch a sport, I want there to be some sort of element of excitement involved, and watching guys (some kind of portly for athletes, no?) trot around a field is just not my idea of excitement. I want action and fisticuffs. but despite the fact that televised baseball bores me to tears, I will attend games just for some stadium fun.

so last night we took our dad to the mets/cubs game for his father’s day present (see, you think we’re just slacker bloggers. but in fact we’re slackers with everything. so don’t take it personally.), and I acted the part of “random baseball fan” perfectly. I had a hotdog and popcorn. I sang “take me out to the ballgame” during the 7th inning stretch. I cheered and booed when necessary. I made brilliant remarks about the action on the field (“bunting is for bitches!”), heckled Mr. Met, and had a grand old time while masking the fact that I couldn’t care less about either team out there, nor the sport in general.

unfortunately, the people sitting directly behind us were not as adept at blending in with their surroundings. Had we all been at a family reunion - particularly a family with a penchant for horrible pop culture - they would have been golden. I’ll set the scene: man, woman, and little daughter meet up with second man, who has known man since the 7th grade, when one of them lended the other a shirt – but they can’t seem to remember which one did the lending. It should already be apparent that I know entirely too much about these people. so man and woman have not seen second man in awhile, and proceed to catch up about everything under the sun. second man’s daughter getting accepted into Columbia for grad school. Woman’s love for Johnny depp in “what’s eating gilbert grape”. Little daughter’s feelings on Orlando bloom. Second man’s last name. second man’s upcoming trip to italy, which he referred to as “the mafia coast” (a rather stupid remark to make in a stadium in Queens, NY, if you ask me). little daughter’s email address, spelled out (yet another stupid remark. hello, internet pedophiles can attend baseball games). man, woman and daughter’s collective love for American idol, especially Katherine McPhee for whom they have “the McPheever”.

solidifying the fact that they had no business being at a ballgame, they also left before it was over when the score was 8-7. Thankfully loveandcyanide was too busy stuffing face the entire game, or else we would have certainly had some choice words - shut up, just go home, you have the mcpheever?! you are a mcmoron! (thanks missy for that soon to be classic) - for the annoyingly chatty little group.

Friday, July 21, 2006

feelin' just ducky.

i always thought the whole eat-a-healthy-breakfast-and-you'll-get-through-your-day-better thing was a bunch of hooey. if i had the choice between bacon or granola, the bacon would make me 4000% happier, giving me a jolt of joy to get me through the day.

for the past month or so, on workdays, i've been having a cup of oatmeal every morning. its an attempt to be healthy, and although i know i'll tire of it soon enough (see:
ecto cooler effect), i've been quite satisfied with my little cup o' meal. i tote the packet to work with me, throw it in a paper cup, throw some hot water in, and presto - i'm set.

so as you know, we've been displaced this week and are hanging at our parents house - where there is unfortunately no oatmeal. and although we managed to rescue 10 tons of laundry and our spiky-leafed plant Dracul (you don't name your plants after scary monsters???), sadly, i forgot my box of maple & brown sugary goodness.

so while my parents are wonderful and relatively fit people, their portable breakfast options are most definitely not foods that richard simmons would approve of. if he were to visit and go through their cabinets i guarantee he would shriek in disgust, and put his hands on the hips of his little red shorts and give them a stern talking to. so i've had no choice but to eat coffee cakes the past few mornings. which is exciting, but boy have i noticed a difference. by mid-morning i am dragging, and i crave sweets throughout the day. on a positive note, i'm thinking that my coworkers are finding me more fun than usual. you should see the looks of childlike glee that appear on people's faces when they see me eating the cakes. "is that a coffee cake?!" "why yes, yes it is." i mean, who wouldn't want to be friends with the girl who eats coffee cakes every morning? its the closest one can get to being friends with the Drake's mascot - that smiley duck in the little chef's hat and neckerchief. and he's freakin awesome.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

the wheels on the...

while i think it's kind of the MTA (and that's the closest they'll ever get to a compliment from me) to offer a $2 "bonus" for every 10 dollars you put on your metrocard, it can also be a bit of a nuisance. sure, its a free ride on the subway. but when one is using that metrocard solely for a different mode of transport (i.e., the express bus, to get to their parents house where they had to flee to because their inCOmpeteNt elEctricity proviDer still has not managed to restore the power in their neighborhood after 4 stinking days.) that extra $$ on the card usually winds up going unused, and one day you suddenly find you have about 35 $2 metrocards swimming around in your pocketbook. meaning that you could have bought a new pocketbook with all that metrocard money. so this evening, in an attempt to be smart and thwart the system, i put $23 dollars on one of those miscellaneous $2 cards in my bag, thereby making it exactly what i needed for five trips to and fro Staten Island. or so i thought. when my metrocard popped out of the machine, it turned out, with my $2 per $10 bonuses, i now was the proud owner of a card worth $29.60. how on earth am i going to spend that 60 cents? i can't, unless in the future i put another amount with 40 cents on it, however with the $2 bonuses, i am certain it won't ever wind up equalling a full dollar. sigh. i know i'm not a math scholar, but it shouldn't take this much work to figure out how not to be wasteful with your transportation card.

while i'm on the topic of transportation, i'd like to relay an amusing experience i had while waiting for the bus the other day. it was brutally hot out, and i was waiting at a stop on broadway. i suppose to torture new yorkers, near most local/express bus stops along broadway they also have stops for tour buses, so the tour bus can block the bus lane so your bus drives past you, and so the tourists can tumble out and engulf you and pester you with questions while you're waiting there minding your own business. mind you, i'm bitter enough already when it comes to those red tour buses, since i've been promised numerous "lets play tourists and ride the bus" day dates by men in my past, and i've yet to be taken on one. i suppose the same thing about me that says "this girl would like a tour bus date" is also the same thing that screams "end this relationship before you do". but still.

so i digress. so i'm already bitter towards the old red bus, and here i see not one, but two gliding over into the right lane, to pull over about 2 ft. away from where i'm standing. so i'm all wrapped up in my own world, griping in my head about how my bus better not pass me by while these tour buses are hogging up the street and WHY on earth anyone would want to visit NYC in July...its so repulsive here in the summer. don't the guidebooks warn against that?? they should. so suddenly my cranky reverie was interrupted by someone yelling "water! get cold water here!" i looked over to my left, and beyond the swarm of tourists waving their maps around and stepping on and off the bus was a man selling water. exciting, right? why did i waste your time with this story? well, he was selling water to the upper deck of the bus, via a wooden pole with a claw/bucket contraption on top that was holding a bottle of water in its woody grasp. i was absolutely amazed watching the spastic mid-air exchange of the bottle from the pole into the outstretched hands of the people on the bus who then placed their dollar into the little cup/claw. he did it again and again and again, supplying water to every thirsty tourist on that level of the bus, probably cashing in more that hour than i make in a week. ingenious!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

dish tv hates us.

loveandcyanide was SO excited to watch the new season of Project Runway that started last week. (yes, yes, we're talking about week-old tv. it's hot out. forgive us for not having the strength to type.) we we were in our usual spots on our couches promptly at nine for the pre-show. we had a giant bottle of wine open. we had various flavours of teddy grahams to snack on. we had newest roommate thomas warned that he was not allowed to change the channel, no matter how bored he was. the show started, and we were enjoying it and everything was right with the world. then suddenly, during the last 10 minutes, right before Heidi Auf Wiedersehen-ed one of the contestants, the satellite went out. you can imagine the fit we threw.

fast forward to last night. we decided to stop our seven-hundredth viewing of Jurassic Park (we've yet to discuss my odd and inexplicable love for that movie, as well as the fact that missy behaves exactly like the dilophosaurus that spits venom into wayne knight's face. stay tuned.) and take a maiden voyage with Showtime's Brotherhood. an excellent decision on our part, as the show is quite good. so we're all wrapped up in the show - and marveling over how old Ethan Embry looks (how far he's come from his fozzie-headed Can't Hardly Wait and Empire Records days) - it's 9:50 and we're on the edge of our seats waiting to see what happens during the show's climax...

oh yes, you guessed it. the satellite went out. we started cursing the tv gods for screwing with the final minutes of our shows, but our tantrum was cut short as the lights started flickering and our air conditioners went out and our howls of indignation were quickly silenced by the darkness and vile heat that descended upon our apartment...and is still there. this afternoon.

con edison, you're so on this week's shit list too.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

so that's where missy's been...

favorite headline of the morning thus far? Woman Pleads Not Guilty to Stalking Uecker

who would stalk Bob Uecker? the guy is 72. why would someone want to stalk an elderly man? hmm, i guess they are easier to follow as they're hobbling down the street. i wonder if in the dummies guide to stalking they suggest novice stalkers start out with the elderly, and then work their way down to their intended target?

but i kid - despite her love for old men, missy is not Bob Uecker's stalker. and actually, as opposed to being our usual creepy and disastrous selves, loveandcyanide is actually having a rather classy week. we took mother to a ballet last night. it was nice and all, but too darn long - especially since the last act wasn't particularly peppy, what with everyone poisoning themselves and passing out on the bed and the floor. i was insanely jealous...not of the shakespearian tragedies, of course, but of the fact that the dancers got to sprawl out on the floor while i was stuck sitting upright in my not-as-plushy-as-it-should-have-been red velvet chair.

the highlight of the evening was not the ballet, nor the ridiculous sequined dresses that some women wore to the ballet - its a tuesday night, ladies, and see that family over there from Duluth? they're wearing tevas. why don't we all just pretend the middle-ground dress code doesn't exist - it was dinner. which, knowing loveandcyanide, shouldn't be much of a surprise.

we finally made it to les sans culottes. no pants! so besides having the best - and most appropriate for us - name, this nondescript little gem was also suggested by aunt deedee (who, as we all learned in a previous posting, is rather awesome). well it was totally worth the wait - and although we'd hate to take the risk of this place getting all popular and trendy - we highly suggest that our two dear readers get over there whenever they can. a. they start you off with a tower of sausages and meats, b. the owner was this adorably friendly man, and the restaurant just might be the lower level of his house, and c. hello, a tower of meats!!

Friday, July 07, 2006

a friday funny.

ok, so as we've discussed before, its very easy to make loveandcyanide laugh, unless of course you're resorting to bathroom humor, which we just can't tolerate. well, one of us can't tolerate it more than the other, and since she's the angrier one, you best not be tellin' fart jokes to impress her. however, you can fall off of something, as for some odd reason pratfalls really get us. the best thing about While You Were Sleeping, besides Bill Pullman (whom we've met, and managed, in that brief 2 minute time period to make total fools of ourselves in front of. as the situation also involved a camera, a lack of film, and a gaggle of overly-excited volunteers, it was quite a memorable one in the annals of our ridiculous moments.) is this teeny little street scene, where the paper boy is riding along and just suddenly falls off his bike. it kills me. i have no idea what it's doing in the movie, since it doesn't fit at all into it, and i guess some rogue editing assistant just snuck that in there, and to you buddy, i say kudos.

anyhow, along with pratfalls, we also enjoy a good corny old-fashioned joke. this one had me in stitches today, and i figured since its friday, we all deserved a little chuckle. enjoy, kids.

I woke up this morning and there was a man stealing my gate. I didn't say anything in case he took a fence.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

ride, ride, ride. hitchin' a ride.

i'm sure this picture has been everywhere already, but loveandcyanide has been off being disasters down the shore for the past few days and completely out of the loop. thank goodness for the national geographic newsletter (yea, we subscribe.) or i'd have missed out on this epitome of adorableness. do we think the frog minded the mouse hopping a ride? i seriously hope they become best friends like Owen and Mzee (the hippo and tortoise. i have no idea who the governor of Virginia is, yet i can name animals from an almost two-year-old news story.)...not that i would wish natural disasters on any other nations, but its kind of nice when an interspecies friendship develops out of it.