Wednesday, May 30, 2007

i guess this is why most people opt for souvenir tshirts.

hi y'all!

we're back from the lone star state. it was a terrific time, despite the crazy storms (figures i head south for memorial day weekend, and then its nicer in nyc...). on the plus side for the weather, while i didn't get to act out PW'sBA in the alamo, i did get to pretend i was in another fave film, Twister, whilst driving through a corn field in the pounding rain with a scarily dark sky above. oh if only philip seymour hoffman had been in the car with us...

but i digress. so i was going to celebrate loveandcyanide's big return with a listing of all the reasons why i want to move to texas - shocking! i know. but its a rather short list and 90% of the content has to do with cured meats, so really, not so shocking - but that one will have to wait, due to a ridiculously appropriate trip-related situation that ties in to the last comment we received from one of our dear readers.

so, i bet when chuckles wrote that he imagined me elbow-deep in bbq sauce he didn't envision it the result of an incompetent fool working for continental airlines.

but it's true -- my sauciest experience didn't occur in texas, but in my parents' living room, about an hour after landing in newark airport. i knew it was bad news when i pulled my suitcase off the conveyor belt and saw that it had been stamped "inspected". it actually should have been stamped "rearranged", since the two bottles of bbq sauce that i had brought home for my grill-happy father, that had been snugly packed in bags wrapped in clothing in opposite parts of the suitcase, were now next to each other. and of course, one of the bottles was broken, and had spilled all over a good 1/4 of my belongings.

and so there i was last night, elbow deep in my bbq sauce-covered suitcase. had it not been for the worry of ingesting glass shards, i most definitely would have had it all over my face as well.

happier bbq stories to come, kids. yeehaw!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

nothing is certain but death and texas...

season 3 seems to be the kiss of death for all my favorite tv shows.

last night we said a sad farewell to Veronica Mars, which ended with such little closure that missy and i found ourselves in such a state of despair that we wound up persuaded into watching the end of Dancing with the Stars. while Bear cheered for joey fatone ("fat one, fat one", he chanted), we sat around in a mild state of shock that our favorite tv series had ended. just. like. that. thank goodness for dvds.


loveandcyanide will be off the air - for a short while, don't worry - as well, as i'm taking a little vacation to...Texas! (houston and austin, to be exact. unfortunately not san antonio, news that shattered my dreams of acting out Pee Wee's Big Adventure.) although i need to use both hands and feet to count the number of countries i've visited, i have yet to travel beyond the east coast and see the rest of the US - weird, i know - so i'm sort of excited to see what the wild west has to offer me. i'm hoping for stagecoaches and a shootout at dawn...but will settle for a rodeo and some good bbq.

Friday, May 18, 2007

143 DOT.

i don't know what level of rock-bottom i'm hitting that the Department of Transportation is responsible for the excitement of my week.

it was announced last year that the city would be getting some snazzy new bus stop shelters. i recently spied one near my office, and was quite impressed - totally modern and sleek, made of metal and glass. and it could even fit more than 3 people under it. but i haven't noticed too many others throughout the city.

so imagine my surprise the other morning when i got to my bus stop, and the usual crappy old shelter was missing. in its place were some construction cones and a hole in the sidewalk. could it be??? i marveled. but i live in an outer borough!! i was probably the only person standing at the stop that day having a complete glee attack about the removal of our old covering/possibility of a new one.

so my hunch turned out to be correct - as missy and i sat on the bus home from the gym yesterday, we came to a stop further down the main avenue and there sat a shiny new shelter. a veritable work of modern art compared to the rest of the junk that sits on steinway street. missy managed to contain her elation, but i was beyond excited.

hopefully by monday my stop will be finished, and i'll be able to hang out in the new shelter. i might even take pictures for you guys! oh the anticipation..

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

really people, i'm still just a child myself.

there's been a disturbing new trend lately where i'm being mistaken as a parent. i suppose this is just a by-product of aging, but its still a little disconcerting.

about a month ago, i needed to make a drop off at the dry cleaners one morning. as i was running late, i opted not to put the clothes in a bag, and just clasped the pile to my chest. when i arrived in the cleaners and put the pile down on the counter, the woman started chuckling and saying something. i suppose i looked confused, so she pointed at my chest and said "baby! baby! haha, toys!" i looked down, wondering what the hell she was talking about, and there stuck to my sweater was a giraffe finger puppet**. i did a little embarrassed chuckle and plucked the giraffe off my shirt, shoving him in my pocket, while the woman continued to exclaim about a baby. so instead of trying to correct her - we have a pretty large language barrier between us when just counting the number of shirts i bring in, let alone trying to explain such a story - i just gave her a weary nod, like, yes, can you believe my kid stuck his toy to my shirt? kids. sigh.

so i left the cleaners thinking it was sort of amusing that this woman thinks i have a child, meanwhile the puppet belongs to two adults.

well, apparently she's been speaking to the National American Miss association, since yesterday i received in the mail a packet addressed to the daughter of chrissy. it was stunning to see. missy put it on the top of the mail stack and we both just sort of stared at it in horror. so i opened it, figuring it must be some sort of mistake on the envelope. but no - the letter inside started off with the line "we are so excited to notify you that your daughter has been chosen..."

why on earth would i receive such paraphernalia? don't these junk-mailing organizations take your info from some sort of national database? and in one, shouldn't i be listed as single? i didn't claim any dependants on my taxes. (i technically should, taking care of missy and bear as i do. although neither one of them are really pageant material.) i've never signed on the line above the word mother on a birth certificate. where did this new reputation come from?

**you may ask how a giraffe finger puppet found its way into my clothing pile. well, it was on the kitchen table, and when i put the pile down on the table, he somehow got tangled in it. why do we have finger puppets on our kitchen table? if you must ask such questions, you mustn't know us very well.

Monday, May 14, 2007


having gotten so carried away with describing the questions i was asked during 'career day', i didn't reveal the important things that I took away from this experience:

1. an insight into what my mother goes through every day
2. that nice glowing feeling that you get after performing a good deed
3. strep throat

i'll find the irony in all this much more amusing once the pain in my throat subsides.

Friday, May 11, 2007

career day.

i got weaseled into participating in 'career day' at my mother's school today. while honored that my mother thinks that i actually have a career, i was rather nervous (read: had nightmares all wednesday night) about how i'd be able to pull off a speech about publicity that would appeal to a bunch of unruly inner-city 5th graders.

well i worried for absolutely nothing, since i forgot how much cachet being a teacher's child carries. from the moment i was introduced as mrs. x's daughter, i became a minor celebrity. kids shouted out what year she taught them, debated whether or not i resembled her, and begged me to reveal her age.

when i actually did get to speak about my career, i managed to engage at least two of three classes i spoke to (in the first one the kids seemed completely stoned, and oblivious to the fact i was even there. i pity their teacher.), and the kids had a ton of questions for me. some of the best:

  • are you married?
  • do you ever think about quitting your job?
  • on your day off, do you just sit around your house? that's what my mom does on her day off.
  • would you ever want to promote video games?
  • can you order breakfast and eat it at your desk?
  • can you leave your office for lunch?
  • if you bring your lunch, how does it get warm? do you have an oven there?
  • if there is another girl in the office with the same job as you, are you jealous of her?
  • how much money do you make?
and my personal favorites:

are there signs in your office that say no running in the halls, no yelling, and no smoking?


is there anyone in your office who is really weird and no one likes them?

as you can tell, they were mostly preoccupied with my workplace eating habits. it was all sort of adorable, but i was quite happy to be able to come back to my peaceful office. maybe being an aunt is really all that i'm cut out for.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

wednesday questions

why... does going to the dry cleaners make me feel more productive and fill me with a greater sense of accomplishment than almost anything else?


when...did i become so health consciously inclined? i just had a phone fight with missy about how we had to go to the gym after work today instead of enjoying this beautiful balmy evening dining outdoors at our new favorite neighborhood joint. this is the first time ever that i've chosen exercise over wine + bbq'ed octopus. and i don't even regret it. scary.


doesn't it...violate some sort of workplace code to shut off the water - thereby closing the restrooms - in an office for four hours during a workday, with the closest alternative being in another building across the street?

i should really have OSHA on speed dial.

Friday, May 04, 2007

entomology for beginners.

in case you didn't know, its spiderman week here in nyc. a whole week devoted to all things peter parker...the movies were alright, but i don't think any movie really needs an entire week's celebration devoted to it. we only get one day to celebrate our independence as a nation, don't we? one day to honor our births?

nevertheless, i checked out the week's website and there are seriously a billion events going on. i'm pleasantly surprised i've managed to avoid most of the them already, although i'm sort of curious about supercuts' "mary jane madness" deal -- would anyone really want their hair to look like hers?


in further insect news, since the warm(er) weather has arrived, so has a giant swarm of flies in the lobby of the my office building. a serious swarm. they hang out near the radiator right by the door, and typically a handful of them will buzz around you while waiting for the elevator, and the whole lot of them surround you when you try to exit through the door. it's charming.

why do you work in such a dirty building are they there, you ask? i believe it has something to do with the dead mice that are supposedly in the ceiling, a rumor i didn't really believe until all these flies appeared. although, if the fly brigade is any indication, i'm guessing the deceased rodents are in the radiator, not the ceiling.

i'm really so curious about the people who actually live in this filth factory.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

all love, no cyanide.

it is typically hard to maintain a general feeling of goodwill towards others in this town. whether its someone shoving you off the subway, a self-important corporate guy stealing the cab you've been patiently waiting for, or a slightly crazy fellow duane reade shopper holding up your transaction while complaining to the cashier that the quarter they were just given "is too thin to use in their laundromat, can they have a different one?" (really. i don't understand that either.), there is usually something occurring that makes you just kind of despise everyone around you.

but every once in awhile a magical little altruistic moment happens that restores your faith in humanity. i had one of them on saturday.

after a rather fun and eventful friday evening, i took a cab back to my apartment around 10am saturday morning. upon exiting the cab and coming in to my abode, i suddenly felt a pang of dread and wouldn't you know - for the first time ever i had lost my wallet. (well, my pouch, since i don't carry a wallet like most adults and prefer little change purses. i think i picked up this trait from my grandmother.)

i had dropped it in the cab and after a good two minutes of cursing myself and panicking, i started the motions of trying to get it back/canceling my credit cards/minimizing damages. i must say, nothing sobers you up faster than the realization that a majority of your valuable belongings are no longer in your possession. so suddenly hungover - and therefore even sadder - i pouted over my losses and attempted to be proactive.

amazingly, about 40 minutes later my phone rang...and it was a woman named lillian asking if i had lost something in a cab! she gave me her address and by a short time later i had my beloved pouch back, all items inside perfectly intact. i'm really still sort of blown away at how quickly and nicely the whole situation resolved itself, since i'm certain the odds of having one's wallet returned are generally pretty slim.

so thank you, lillian. i hope good karma comes back to you in spades.