Friday, May 26, 2006
we're off for some fun in the sun, shenanigans with a flock of barbary apes, and (finally!) some actual high seas adventures. it's also bear's first time out of the country, and renegade that he is, he's doing it sans passport. wish us luck...
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
so considering she was one of my earliest idols, it sort of pains me to say how much i dislike madonna today. while this change in attitude mainly reflects the inverse relationship between my age and my tolerance for pop music, i'm also over her chameleonic ways. i understand that musicians want to keep up with the changing times (actually, i don't. anyone who has ever witnessed bon jovi perform the song "bounce" at a concert would feel the same way. even with my thesaurus handy, i don't have enough words to convey just how painful that was. he should have kept the long ratty mane and stayed in our memory as part of the good ol 'hair band' days instead of highlighting the locks and pumping out psuedo-pop drivel to compete with the britney spears set. but i digress), but i can't take all the reinventing. actually, i can't keep up with all the reinventing is more like it.
according to reports, on her new tour madonna - or esther, madge, rabbi ciccone, whatever she's going by these days - does some sort of "disco crucifixion" thing (which actually sounds pretty cool. put disco in front of anything and it will sound like a barrel of fun. disco suicide. disco inferno. disco homicide. party!) where she hangs from a mirrored crucifix while wearing a crown of thorns. huh? i thought she was a poster child for kabbalah...don't jewish folk not believe in jesus?
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
holy crap. there is a CARE BEARS MUSICAL coming to town and no one bothered to tell loveandcyanide about it yet?!?!?! i'm too shocked/excited/busy singing songs from Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation to type right now, so find more info here:
Sunday, May 21, 2006
today i found this fascinating nugget of info about everyone's favorite self-dispensing candy, PEZ. enjoy.
Pez candy was invented by Austrian candy executive Eduard Haas in 1927. The original little candy bricks were peppermint. In fact, the word Pez is an abbreviation of the German word for peppermint.(PfeffErminZ)
Thursday, May 18, 2006
i've found this flaw of mine is most problematic when i'm reading a funny book in public. granted people can see i must be reading something humorous, but there is still no need to carry on to the extent that i seem to. a few years back i had Bridget Jones' Diary with me while taking the bus in to work. whilst being completely wrapped up in hysterics and totally carrying on in my little seat, i was unaware that i was accidentally hitting into the "push for stop" strip on the bus wall next to me (fitting that i was in the handicap seat for that ride). in the midst of all my merriment, i finally became aware of all the chiming coming from the front of the bus, and i stopped and wondered what sort of asshole was dinging for a stop in the middle of a tunnel. of course a few moments later i realized i was the asshole, and i put the book away, so as to keep my mirth from allowing me to cause anymore nonsense.
never one to learn her lesson, i found myself on the train today with the most fantastically hilarious book that i've read in awhile: Apathy and Other Small Victories by Paul Neilan. as i'm a few years older (and presumably wiser) than the bridget jones bus incident, i tried to do everything i could to contain the laughter. but sadly this just resulted in odd snorts and hiccup-like movements which were most definitely scaring the guy next to me. he put a seat in between us the moment he had a chance to. i guess i really don't blame him, as i'm sure it appeared that i was either having a seizure, or diabolically chuckling about my plan for world domination.
so i know we tell you to do a lot of things (we're sorry. we just like having the idea of someone/thing to boss around, since we're both almost 100% resistant to each other's demands), and i'm certain after the above stories you may never take advice from me again, but pick up a copy of Apathy. it's a great time, even if it doesn't motivate you to cause a spectacle during rush hour.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
so. the davinci code comes out this weekend. as much as i like tom hanks and audrey tautou as actors, i won't be racing to the theaters for this one. why not? well, the book wasn't that great (i know, i just pissed off the 85 bazillion people who claim it's their fave book ever. my apologies.), and i hate when things are overhyped, and if i were to race to the theater near me, it wouldn't even be there. wait, what? that's right, it wouldn't be in a theater near me. and no, its not because i live in bumblefuck, AL - it's because it's going to be in cinemas.
opening in cinemas on May 19th, read the d's code subway ads. oh please. they couldn't say in theaters like everyone else?!
Monday, May 15, 2006
and no, this posting is not about our relationships. *smirk*
let's take a quick trip back to 1990, shall we. On the shelves of the supermarket sat Hi-C’s Ecto Cooler, a citrusy concoction that we immediately grew fond of. not to belittle the merits of the Hi-C corporation, but I’m certain this instantaneous love stemmed more from the fact that we adored all things Ghostbuster (I believe this was mentioned in passing before…but before we continue you must understand the magnitude of it. we loved the movies. we still do. we were avid watchers of the cartoon The Real Ghostbusters. Missy, amongst our care bears and barbies, even had an Egon action figure. and i’ll admit it – I had (ahem, have) a major thing for Bill Murray…which probably explains current issues of mine, as I doubt he’s the sort of man a 7-year-old girl is supposed to be attracted to.) than the fact that juice gave us our daily dosing of vitamin C. and I’m sure Ecto Cooler’s awesomely unnatural neon green hue also contributed to our lust.
So since we were spoiled and given just about anything we said we liked, it wasn’t long before Ecto Cooler became the official drink of our household. Seriously, our mother bought it by the caseload – which, now thinking about it, I don’t even know where or how she found it in bulk, as we were freshly suburban at this point in time and were not yet privy to places like Costco and BJ’s. but i do recall bringing Ecto Cooler to lunch with me EVERY DAY during 5th grade, and it being the juice box of choice for us during long car rides, or afternoons playing outside, or, well, just about anything. of course, after some time came the inevitable backlash, and at some point in 1991, when my heart was probably pumping Ecto Cooler instead of blood, I decided I had had enough. NO MORE ECTO COOLER, I whined and pleaded to my mother and the remaining cans and cases were removed, by forklift, from our basement.
In the years since, we’ve had numerous food products go the way of Ecto Cooler (which will forever be our code for “although I loved this 2 months ago, I’m now sick of this shit”), including:
- Linden's Butter Crunch cookies
- Planter's Cheez Balls
- Nerd Ropes
- Chex Mix (all varieties)
- Luna Bars
- Puffins Cereal (peanut butter flavor)
reading through that list kind of makes me question our eating habits, but i guess what can you expect from two little girls whose childhood was drowned in juice that looked like it leaked out of a highlighter?
if this post has whet your appetite for more ecto coolery goodness, go here: http://www.retrojunk.com/details_commercial/119/ to watch the commercial for it. unfortunately we're not yet savvy enough to just insert the video in here...such is the drawback to having a stuffed bear as your webmaster.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
so while i was sitting there trying to process the Barney vibe in the car, i saw something dart past my eye. of course, this being the subway and it being post-happy hour and my peripheral vision sucking like it does, i assumed some sort of flying roach had come my way and i immediately ducked. after a moment i turned to the side, and saw that my floating bug was nothing more than a bubble - yes, it turns out the grads were given purple bottles of bubbles (at a kindergarten graduation this may have been cute), and had started blowing them around the train. it was kind of pretty for about a nanosecond, but then you could tell that people were starting to get annoyed that spheres of soap were drifting into their shoes and newspapers. me being one of them, i shot the little rascals a dirty look, and then a dirtier one when i realized they were all dressed in jeans. these are the children of our future, and they can't even dress appropriately for college graduation???
**postscript: i checked out the website, and apparently tonight was precommencement. this means i was on the train with all the smarties who received prizes for academic and extracurricular achievement. even better. **
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
yes singular, we are still unsure if anyone besides our little georgia reads this. oh, and to you g, i'm typing in your font. it's a sentimental day.
anyway, i felt it might be most appropriate to give vous a soundbite of occurrences at purdy court in order to better understand us.
On eye protection:
m: do you wear those goggles to go tanning?
c: well, i use them to tie my hair back.
c: you'll have made genghis khan a myspace page before you finally blog or do your paper.
On whores tainting otherwise date-worthy men:
n: she soiled the good meat, the prime rib.. now he's like a dirty water dog, contaminated meat stuffed into intestines.
(okay okay, n does not live here, but she should)
On super tall men sleeping in our beds:
one of us to the other who shall remain nameless: i'd have to sleep with my air conditioner on in may if i had a giant sleeping in my bed too.
On cheesy horrible 90's sitcoms:
c: WE DO NOT WATCH FRIENDSSSS!
On men that are masochistic enough to speak to m while at a bar:
c: he called you the 'snappy one.'
m: ooh i like that, call me snappy.
c: his friend called you "the one with the attitude."
On men stupid enough to talk art at a bar with m:
c: why did you scare that guy away?
m: he told me edvard munch was his best friend.
On David Blaine:
c: that DB show is finally over.
m: oohh, did he drown??
On having matching toshibas:
m: we have identical laptops. we're the doublemint twins.
On polar bears officially making the 2006 endangered species list:
c: did you hear? Bear's going extinct.
On our landlord:
m: i'd go to Peter's funeral!
On Phil Leotardo:
m: i just realized why i love him.
c: because he's eating zeppole?
m: because he looks like an owl.
On our 92 year old neighbor (to our landlord):
m: she leaves her door open a lot.
p: that's not the only thing she leaves open.
c: what are you doing in there?
m: smashing fat.
m: Bear isn't speaking to you.
c: Bear never speaks to me.
m: he speaks about you.
On dying hair:
m: i dyed my hair black to match my heart.
On Matthew Barney:
m: MB is gay??
m: but he's with beck.
c: he's with BJORK.
On m's failed attempt at being compassionate:
c: i don't like this whole being nice thing, you're going about it all wrong.
On borrowing each other's purses:
m: there's garbage in that bag.
c: there's garbage in your soul.
and so, i leave you with this quote. not from us, but from a movie we love:
i don't give a shit about the barracudas, fuck it!
happy wednesday, g.
so while we're on the subject of may birthdays, we'd like to give a shout-out to our beloved cat, Tigger, who is celebrating her super sweet 16 this week. unfortunately MTV is refusing to cover it, which is rather surprising since she's totally spoiled and is daddy's little princess (she seriously is. we get so jealous.).
Thursday, May 04, 2006
i'm sorry to take this out on you specifically, but this disturbing phenomenon has been causing severe pain to my eyes for years, and as the (and i shudder to call it this, but can't think of another term at the moment) trend's been out of control this season, i felt it was time to take immediate action.
i felt physically ill today when you walked past me in your sand-blasted jeans and indigo-rinse jacket.
how did you leave the house thinking it was a good idea to wear jeans and a jean jacket at the same time? were you hoping to confuse everyone into thinking that the two totally different shades of denim are the same? because thats JUST AS BAD! would you wear a pair of fur pants when you go out in a fur coat? if you're not on your way to an audition as an extra for CATS, then my guess is your answer is no. so why can't you apply this elementary logic to denim as well?
what baffles me even more is, and i do not at all mean to insult your income here, but if you can only afford one jacket (which is the only excuse i'll allow; then you have no choice but to wear it when you wear your jeans. and i therefore apologize, and you can rip up this letter and chalk it up to the fact that i'm a cranky woman who hasn't got her bacon fix in over a week), why would you pick a denim one? aren't they harder to come by than other types of jackets? think ahead, what if you have to attend an interview or a funeral? denim would be inappropriate. what if there's a spring shower, wouldn't you want to own something with a hood? right, you would. which would mean you would own more than one jacket, meaning you can wear your other one when your jeans are on. wear a hooded zip-up, a poncho, a paper bag - i promise you it'll look better when paired with your jeans. your denim jacket can be matched with so many other materials - from sweat pants to gypsy skirts to dress pants - it won't go to waste. so please, save it for another day.
thanks and bests,
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
so since the early days when disco would read dr. seuss to us to just last night when i was attempting to finish a book for work, i've done a lot of reading in bed. but never in the twenty-something years i've spent tucked in with reading paraphernalia in hand did i ever imagine this would be necessary --
are people just that lazy nowadays that they can't just rotate the book according to the position they are lying in? as much as i'm somewhat appalled by this, i'm also curious, so i may have to test one of these books out. we'll keep you posted.