slow down, you crazy child.

with 85,000 other things going on in the world today, i think its silly that Christie Brinkley's big smiley head was plastered on the cover of the NY Daily News this morning. so her soon-to-be-ex-husband cheated on her with a teenage girl. big deal.

why so callous? I've had a long standing feud with Brinkley since I was a toddler. of course this feud is totally one-sided and has never manifested itself outside my head, but we've been bitter rivals ever since I can remember and so it will remain. so how exactly does a 5-year-old have beef with a supermodel? i was in love with Billy Joel, of course.

obsessed is more like it. i had to have been his biggest fan under 5 ft. not to delve too much into psychobabble, but I am convinced my electra complex was projected onto him and not my own father. suffice to say, I was DEVASTATED when they got married. I actually cried when I saw the headline splashed across the front page of the newspaper that fateful day in '85. tears streamed down my little face as I experienced my first heartbreak. our family, with their vast mental filing cabinet for embarrassing moments, vividly remembers this, and of course still ridicules me to this day.

pathetic as it was to have my pint-sized heart broken by someone i had never met nor could have been with if i had met them, in retrospect I don't think I was being too outrageous. have we seen the age of Billy's latest bride? he could've totally waited 20 years for me. but moving on. so I recovered from the tragic blow to my little ego and have moved on to more sensible crushes since then, but can't seem to shake the grudge i've held against Brinkley for stealing my man. so she's getting no pity from me during this scandal with her fourth (fourth! hussy!) husband.

and yes, i still skip over the song 'uptown girl' on the an innocent man cd.