so i was watching The Secret Life of Vampires on the History Channel (i know. we're content-less for over a week and all i can come back with is a tv report on vampires?? pathetic. yes, indeed. but we're currently stuck in a pathetic cycle, one that involves a persistant upper respiratory infection, narcotic-laced cough syrup, and many days home on the couch watching terrible daytime television, so tv vampires are the most excitement we're able to handle right now.), and i was all pumped to get scared because after the commercial break they were breaking away from the grainy video of bela lugosi and showing what modern day vampires are up to. modern day vampires - if dracula was able to wreak so much havoc in the boring old 1800s, imagine what dastardly tricks these guys must be up to nowadays?
commercial ends, and there i sit, hand conveniently held up to face level, ready to cover my eyes from the horror i would surely soon witness. and we see vampire Dan, who says he is one of the few vampires who still drinks blood, and was going to do so on camera. eeeeekk. i braced myself for some fang/neck action, ready to see one of my worst nightmares come to life...and instead he takes a needle, sticks it in a girl's arm, and draws a vial of blood like he's testing her for thyroid problems. vampire Dan then deposits the blood from the needle into a wine glass, and then drinks it. what the hell?? nosferatu is turning in his coffin.
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Dan is to vampires as tofurkey is to poultry.
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