chrissy vs. the mutant bugs

i've been wanting to report on the new job for the past few weeks now - i even came up with the ever-so-catchy title of 'dispatches from the cube' for such a feature - but every night upon dragging my tired body back from slaving over my desk all day, i just haven't found it in me to complain about the neighbor who's music i cannot tolerate, or the fact that everyone leaves their cell ringers on (vibrate, people!! common. office. courtesy.), or that my office supplies are rationed and i only have one, slightly worn, pink highlighter to my name.

however, today was just too much for me to handle. so ever since i've started, i've been treated to stories about the mice and roaches found around the building**. and not just, you know, in the stairwell or garbage room, but under people's desks and whatnot. kind of disconcerting - especially with my penchant for keeping my shoes off while sitting in my chair - but as i haven't spied a rodent yet, i assumed these were just tall tales to scare the new girl.

oh no.

so i'm leaving a bit later than usual this evening, and chatting with a fellow coworker while waiting for the elevator. elevator arrives, door opens, he gestures to let me walk in first, and as i step through the door i freeze and let out the most pathetic girly shriek to ever escape my lips. scurrying along the elevator floor is the largest cockroach i've ever seen. seriously, HUGE. like the size of those Madagascan hissing beetles that are in the zoo. actually, this thing could have eaten one of those hissing beetles. it could have eaten the guy who cleans the hissing beetles' cage.

thankfully my heroic coworker was there, and upon moving me aside and deciphering my high-pitched, panicked and breathless explanation of why i was refusing to step further into the elevator, he chased the monster around into a corner and stomped on it. and good thing heroic coworker was wearing sturdy shoes, as i'm certain the people waiting for the elevator the floor below us heard the CRUNCH of the mutant bug's shell as he met his demise.

its two hours later and my skin is still crawling. i am so never working late again.


**my new office is located in an apartment building - hence the rodent problem. i'd love to find a hi-rise apartment buidling in manhattan that is roach-free. and people wonder why loveandcyanide traipses from outer borough to borough, refusing to call the most popular one home.