Tuesday, June 20, 2006

things are getting a little david lee roth around here.

so the past few days have been filled with happiness and excitement for loveandcyanide. we bought our first appliance on our own today - an air conditioner - and even managed to get it into the car all by ourselves. a friend gave me a pin that proclaimed i was "the world's best pirate" (i am.), which made my month. we discovered fake grill marks on boca burgers, thereby officially making them the grossest but funniest food we've ever dealt with. and a friend of ours was so pleased with the salad bar at Charlie Brown's that he made three trips up to it, and told us with glee about the freshness of the veggies. joy abounds.

since the universe has to keep things balanced, its clear that somewhere an angry little yang had to exist to counteract our happy yin. little did we know all the unhappiness and unrest would practically land on our doorstep. our guess is that people are getting a little crazy from the heat. Case in point:

At approximately 20:00 a disturbance was heard from the hallway in the pleasant abode we (and anyone who can read the sign above our door) like to call Purdy Court. As any sort of sound in the hall instills great fear/curiosity in both missy&chrissy's heads (a result of the overactive imaginations + the desire to find out who actually lives in this building), i rushed to the peephole. The elderly woman across the hall (notorious for her commotions involving loud shushing and attacking perpetrators with lysol) appeared to be leaning precariously over the railing shouting at someone on the lower level. What was she screaming, you ask? Well what else would a ninety-two year old woman be shouting but, 'Shut up you stupid junkie. You a junkie, shut your mouth.' The woman downstairs, clearly a class act, was retaliating at the frail, elderly woman by repeatedly shouting phrases such as, 'Your daughter is a junkie.' and the ever popular playground taunt of, 'Cuckoo, Cuckoooo.' I watched entranced at the peephole as this went on for a good fifteen minutes. Somewhere in this time span both parties decided to threaten the other with suggestions of calling in the authorities. This tactic, although not effective for scaring each other away, did manage to get me away from the peephole as sissies and the NYPD don't mesh well.

How much excitement can two girls have in one week! In addition to the pirate-being-electronic-buying-giant-salad-eating ying and the elderly-lady-junkie-screaming yang there was also a debacle at the psychoPathMark (kudo's to the big sissy for the ingenious name). Who knew that there was such fun to be had grocery shopping on a weekday morn?! Little did i know that my whole life has been spent being in the right grocery store at the wrong time (woe.is.me). Bump that shopping trip up a few hours earlier and whoa, it's a whole new ball game, kids. While taking a break from my exciting freelancing work (i.e. unemployment) sissy and i figured why not take advantage of the fact that she played hookie from work and beat the crowd at the local PM. After discovering that we had packed our 23 items onto the Express 12itemorless lane (tres rebellious.. it's the pirate in us!) we heard some sort of disturbance at the next checkout. Guiltily worrying that someone had spotted our overload at the Quickcheck, the two of us perk up our ears to hear a menopausal female whining about packing her own groceries (maybe she should have gotten on the express because they pack them for you. ha). The checkout lady was ignoring the old hag until she started complaining about buying more than she needed as a result of the store being so big:

"I spend more here because i buy things I don't need. I'm never coming back here again."

Excuse me, ma'am? Is it any one's fault but your own that you obviously have a problem saying no to frozen vegetables and individually wrapped packages of snack cakes? Hearing this woman drone on about her inability to turn down a 2-for-1 at the BigP was like listening to a sorority girl cry about sleeping with THATguy on the first date and never hearing from him again. Oh you can't turn down a buy3get1free Ben&Jerry's so you spend more? Oh you sleep with people to make them like you so they think you're a whore? Guess what, you did it to yourself.

But I digress. The major importance of this story was the shocking display of loyalty the cashiers at the Pathmark mustered up. Everyone let this aged thing drone on about not coming back until she specifically called bigP a rip-off. To this her own cashier said, "Excuse me? We have great prices." I was impressed. Does Pathmark even know they have such loyal workers for a mere $6.75 an hour? This woman's sense of right thawed my heart more than when someone discards their unwanted eggo's in the cereal aisle. The argument was starting to get a little loud when our cashier chimed in, shouting from across two registers, "You a cheapskate! We have good prices! You cheap! Pathmark not expensive, you just cheap." This was far too much for the sissies to handle as we paid and hustled out snickering and trying to avoid having an accident on the floor of the grocerystore..


georgia said...

BEST BLOG EVER! seriously

Chuckles said...

The cashiers at my local Safeway all recognize me as the mohawk guy even though I cut it a while ago. They are pretty rad. I tend to go late at night and avoid the annoying crazies. I just get the fun crazies.

missy&chrissy said...

i think supermarkets should become the new late night hotspots. they have booze, snacks, and rad workers. what more do you need?