Monday, November 09, 2009

my worst enemy.

this is a flowering pear tree.

it is also my latest arch-nemesis.

you may be asking yourself how i could possibly be at odds with such a sweet, harmless tree. don't be fooled - similar to britney, the flowering pear is not that innocent. it lords over my parking spot with ill-intent. obstructing the curb with its low-hanging branches. depositing its ugly alien berries* all over the hood of my car. shedding an obscene amount of leaves.

why my parents opted to plant this thing where did they did is a complete mystery. they claim they had no idea it would grow as massive as it has or that it would make giant berries that would then fall all over the place leaving sticky, purple-y chaos in their wake. clearly they didn't do their research, as in the past 24 hours i've learned that the flowering pear grows into a majestic (re: large) pyramid shape and is a lovely addition to your lawn. nowhere is the flowering pear suggested for a teensy patch of dirt on the sidewalk next to your driveway in a space that perfectly fits one silver pontiac grand am.

the flowering pear better hope that i don't come across an axe in the basement.

*'ugly alien berries' do not resemble cute, normal berries, like the straw-, blue-, or rasp- varieties. instead they look like escargot. and when you rather unwisely try to scrape them off your windshield with your windshield wipers, they streak a purple-y brown goo across it that will take many, many paper towels to clean off.


Tim said...

True fact - a really nice guy who used to live down Sparky Ma and Pa's road had exactly the same problem with a council-planted tree. His solution? To creep out in the dead of night and INJECT IT with a poisonous solution!

Tree dead, problem solved.

missyandchrissy said...

wow! tree poisoning - i hadn't thought of that. it seems a lot less messy than an axe...and then i could probably blame it on the neighbors.

Tim said...

Do it!!!

You'd be like the Dexter of the tree world!