wrapping/wagon wrongdoing.

from probably the moment i was able to properly wield a scissor, our father has had me play the role of his official present wrapper during the holiday season. by 'season', i mean the very last minute, the night before Christmas, i.e. Christmas Eve. when the feasting and family-ness and midnight mass are all done with, i gather my rolls of christmasy paper, father deposits his shopping bags of gifts for my mother in my room, and i wrap gifts for him through the wee hours of the morning*.

similar to my stint as a "first flute" in band class**, my title as official present wrapper was gained through false presumptions - in this case, my father thinking that as the eldest daughter i must wrap presents well. i don't. at all. i don't know why - i'm relatively creative and neat, and can do other things that someone would assume an expert-wrapper could do - but yet i can't manage to cover a box without ripped corners and conspicuous pieces of tape placed willy-nilly. and yet, year after year, bags of presents are deposited in my care for me to crappily wrap.

this year my mother got in on the act, and so i spent a good portion of my holiday badly wrapping gifts for every member of our family. while amusing myself with my horrific papered creations, i also wondered why there are so few technological advances when it comes to gift-wrapping? it's such an archaic system -- there's gotta be a better way.

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in further news on the injustices front, a special request was made for us to blog*** about the following insanity:

travesty.

from the article: "outfitted with 5-point safety harnesses, padded seats, cup holders, foot brakes and fold-out storage containers...But that's just for starters...there's a digital handle that tracks temperature, time, distance and speed...And there's a slot for an MP3 player, complete with speakers, for some cruising tunes."

wtf. it's a wagon. someone pulls you in it down the block, you don't take road trips in it!


*no exaggeration here: i'm up all night, every christmas eve, wrapping gifts. last year i passed out drunk at 1am, napped for an hour, and THEN woke up and wrapped them. and it's not just me - most years our entire house is abuzz until at least 4am, solely with gift-wrapping. if there is one thing our family does quite well, it is procrastinate.


**in junior high school, i was a 'first flute', meaning i got to sit in the front row of the flute section, and play the more superior flute parts in the arrangements (arrangements like an aladdin medley - don't get too impressed). i am not at all being modest when i say this - i literally had no flute-playing ability. none. i could barely make noise come out of the thing, let alone the proper noise. i spent most of my band hours flirting with the trumpet section, gossiping, and wondering how gross the little stick that cleaned the inside of your flute could actually get.

so why, do you ask, did i get this glorified position within the school band? i truly don't know. it wasn't based on skill. my only reasoning is that it was because i shared a music stand with my friend mary, who was an amazing flute player. and sitting next to mary, and clearly being adept at feigning flute playing, was enough to make our band teacher assume that i too could play with the top-tier flutists in the class.

what this truly says about me i'd rather not know, but i'd like to believe this says something about my ability to look capable at all times, and so this 'first flute theory' has come into play a few times through the years, and most definitely applies to my holiday job.


***blog requests are quite rare, but they do completely make our day when they occur. thanks B!