bought a ticket for a runaway train.

this actually happened to me yesterday, but in my worrying over the possibility of domestic violence in the homes of Z100 morning zoo listeners, i was entirely too preoccupied and forgot the incident happened. so we'll pretend it happened this morning.

so i'm on the train to work this morning and i'm leaning against the door to the little conductor chamber in the corner of the car. unless there's open seating, i prefer that little corner over standing somewhere in the middle of the car as i'd rather slump against the wall unobtrusively than jockey with other passengers over where my hand should go on the overhead pole. just let me read in the corner, people, and i'll be a happy camper.

oftentimes when i'm in the little corner, i wonder if there is in fact a conductor behind the door i'm leaning on. i wonder about what he's doing in there (in my brain, train conductors are only men. specifically ones that look like ringo starr circa shining time station), perhaps smoking a pipe, adjusting his cap, or shining the brass train pin that is affixed to his lapel. and sometimes i think about how funny it would be if he was to open the door whilst i was leaning against the door and i were to fall into his booth.

of course today i did.

so i'm wrapped up in the latest issue of NY magazine and suddenly i hear a metallic clank and i find myself tipping backwards. thankfully the booth is only a foot wide, so between the slightly ajar door and the rather large WOMAN CONDUCTOR (dreams. shattered.) wedged in the doorway, i didnt have too far to fall. she of course said "whooaaaa" and sort of shoved me forward and out of her way. i scooted away from her, apologizing profusely, and she emerged from the booth and made her way into the next car, grumbling. i personally thought the grumbling was a little unnecessary. yes, i was blocking the exit from her booth and toppled back onto her. but better me than some smelly homeless man, right?

so in my last bit of MTA news - i do realize i talk a lot about the train. one would think its because the commute is the most exciting part of my day, and probably feel pity for me. please don't. my obsession with the train is a little less sad - dad collects Lionels. a love of of all things choo-choo is clearly in our blood. - the man exiting the train in front of me today was carrying a saw. a hand saw, i believe - it wasn't a power tool. now, although i've spent a fair amount of time in the ol' Home Depot, i'm no expert on tools and/or tool transportation. but i would at least assume that the blade should have some sort of protective cover over it shouldn't it? right. well, not this one. the guy was just swinging it at his side, blade gleaming in the flourescent light of the station. amazing that the NYPD hangs around stations checking for "suspicious packages", while this guy can just openly tote around an instrument of death.