day 55.

that's my bed.

the big X over it illustrates my inability to sleep this morning due to the massive construction they started in the store-type-thing at the bottom of my building. they must have had some mutant jackhammer in there - the way my wall was vibrating i was certain the building was going to implode.

happy 3rd birthday, love&cyanide.

today is a big day here at love & cyanide as it is officially our 3rd birthday. as per usual there will be cake and carebears (see below) and a new form of celebration, a blog launch!

but, first things first.. gratuitous picture of us being uber-cute and celebrating a 3rd birthday of yesteryear:


and now for the important but equally as adorable part.. in honor of our third year here on the internet we are hosting the official launch of bear's pet project.

we introduce you, dear and loyal readers, to bearsociety.

extras.

we're adding in a new little feature - not the side project i mentioned earlier in the week, that's another addition, whoa-ho! look at us - a daily visual documenting my unemployment activities. people constantly ask me what i do all day/week, and i constantly feel lame rattling off my to-do/have-done list, and so now i can direct them here to see a little snippet of my day. i have no idea why this project didn't occur to me until earlier today, and i so wish i had been doing this from day 1 - although i suppose i had other things on my mind on day 1 other than photojournalism - but there's no time like the present, so we're starting on day 54*. like the studio! although slightly less glittery and fabulous.

have no fear, we'll still continue with our normal postings, just pepper a daily snapshot in as well. and away we go.


*we only count weekdays. isn't everyone technically out of work on the weekends?

day 54.

i spent much of the latter part of this afternoon in central park - considering it was icy/slushy/32 degrees today you may wonder why i chose that activity, but i wasn't the only crazy one. the park was packed. i roamed the entire west side of it, from the south tip to the north tip - that was a first.

by the numbers:
- i walked 50 blocks
- saw 22 dogs (until i tired of counting them)
- listened to the beatles' "dear prudence" 9 times
- almost slipped on ice 3 times
- and saw 0 hotdog vendors (shocking)

porcine joy.

swoon.

that made my week.

and the day someone makes one for me, it will make my life.

brusha, brusha, brusha.

this evening i had to pop into duane reade on my way to the gym. as i was turning the corner to enter the store, i noticed a slightly disheveled-looking man ambling towards the entrance as well. as i'm the polite sort, i held the door open for him. he shuffled closer, looking slightly confused - up close i realized his eyes were somewhat glazed over and he looked rather worse for wear, but really who am i to judge? he could very well be a fellow unemployed - and he waddled into the store behind me. i went off to the dental care aisle to purchase a toothbrush (more to come), and promptly forgot all about him.

as i walked back up to the front of the store a few minutes later, i noticed disheveled man being hauled across the register area by the manager, who was announcing that this was the "last time [he] would be taking something from this store" and that the "police were on the way."

i feel vaguely responsible for this shoplifting incident. i should have just left disheveled man outside near the bus stop, where he probably belonged.

******

have any of you dear readers purchased a toothbrush lately? did you find it a completely overwhelming experience?

ok, maybe i'm exaggerating a tad. but the truth is, as silly as this may sound, i rarely buy my own toothbrushes. i see the dentist twice a year, and receive a new brush with every visit. i also am blessed with wonderful parents who live relatively near and keep their linen closet stocked with excess toiletry items - one being the family pack of toothbrushes from Costco - and so we steal them from their house whenever we are in need. there is usually always an extra toothbrush accessible to me, and so i never find myself in the drugstore attempting to purchase one.

until this evening. as luck would have it, i managed to drop my toothbrush in the garbage last night, during a time when there were no surplus brushes in our apartment. as i'm in my new 'being economical' phase, i spent a good three minutes staring into the garbage, wondering how filthy it would be of me to retrieve the thing. i decided very, and let it go.

so as i stood in front of the toothbrush section this evening, i couldn't get over the choices - there had to be at least 100 different toothbrushes. there were new brands i had never even heard of. rocawear makes a toothbrush? i wouldn't be surprised now.

a duane reade worker happened to be stocking the bottom row of brushes, and looked up at me as i hovered behind him. after about a minute, he inquired if i needed any help. i sheepishly explained that i was just trying to figure out which one i wanted. he politely offered to move out of the way so he wouldn't block the bottom rows. as he moved over to stand beside me, i panicked - now i had an actual audience waiting for me to make my decision - so i snatched the nearest blue-green one (my teeth like calming colors), thanked him for being so patient, and ran up to the register (where i was confronted with the disheveled man debacle).

thankfully after all that i picked a winner - the new toothbrush is pretty intense and puts those piddly free ones from the dentist to shame. i seriously feel like my teeth were just cleaned by car wash brushes.

loafing about.

we're a little behind, but apparently last friday, 1/23, was National Pie Day. never ones to forgo a delectable food holiday, we're going to belatedly celebrate, and wish you all a happy happy. while i'm pretty sure this holiday was made to celebrate all pies apple and cherry, we're going to focus our festivities on the savory pie variety - meat in a buttery baked crust...can it get any better than that?

-------

so speaking of meats, i made my first meatloaf last week; my first foray into the hardcore meat-cooking realm*. it came out rather tasty, albeit it didn't look as perfectly loaf-shaped as i had hoped/expected. i spent a good amount of time shaping the ground beef mixture into a beautiful oblong shape, and then came time for me to flip it over, shortly into its 1+ hour stint in my oven.

have you ever tried flipping a 2 lb. meatloaf? it's not as simple as you might think. according to my consultant (er, my mother), i needed a fork and a spatula. two spatulas, a fork, a spoon, and a fervent wish for an extra arm later, i managed to get the hunk of beef to flip over...however, not before losing the tail end of it (which i later smoothed back on with a butter knife) and viciously burning my wrist. cursing and tears ensued.

in an interesting but fitting twist, the little burn mark i currently have left is shaped somewhat like a heart. considering my love of the meatloaf, i kind of hope this little meat-y memento will stay branded onto my wrist for awhile.

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we know we've been slacking a bit in content lately - times have been a little tough and the posting isn't coming so easy when we're feeling so bleh. but we appreciate you dear readers who still stick by us. we're also working on a little side project which will debut later on this week for our big three year anniversary. THREE YEARS!!! we can't believe we've made it either.


*i know - meatloaf is only hardcore to the writer of this post. i am very well aware that it is considered a rather simplistic, almost laughable meal to most others - but to a relative dinner-making novice like myself, one who loves meatloaf more than will ferrell in wedding crashers does, this was like cooking a king's last feast.

calm down, little man.

one day last week when missy and i were at the gym there was a minor holdup with accessing the locker room as a male worker had to go in there with a lock cutter and open some girl's lock, so no women could be in there. it became a long to-do over nothing. finally as we were being held outside with a few others, this twerpy little guy who looked like he was in high school appeared, assuring us that he was a manager and he would allow us into the locker room. he did this all with a booming voice and a flourish of hands, i suppose to prove how 'in charge' he was. we laughed about his napoleon complex later on.

little did we know.

so yesterday afternoon i was working out in a pretty empty gym, as you might imagine it would be during the weekday. at most, there were about eight of us in there. 8 of us for about 150 machines. i was a good 40 ft. away from the nearest gym-goer, and had an entire row of ellipticals to myself. about halfway through my workout i took off the sweatshirt i had been wearing and placed it over the handlebar on the machine next to me. within minutes, napoleon appeared in front of my machine, motioning for me to remove my headphones.

he informed me that we were not allowed to place articles of clothes on the machines, as it was a hazard to other guests. i smiled politely and apologized, saying i would place the shirt over my own machine. he said no, this too was a hazard. i offered to place it off to the side, on the ledge against the wall. he said that extra articles of clothing were NOT allowed ANYWHERE on the gym floor and i MUST go put my sweatshirt in the locker room. i said fine, and he stalked off.

while annoyed at this pointless intrusion - had i not been sweatily bounding up and down in front of him the entire time i might have remembered to point out about how the previous night when the gym was crowded someone had their coat in front of their treadmill, or how people have towels the size of my shirt hanging off their bikes all the time, so then those must be hazardous, and how come they don't have this rule posted anywhere - i also got a nice chuckle out of how ridiculous the exchange must have looked. he was definitely about two feet shorter than me when i was up on the machine. scolded by smurf.

weekend movie awesomeness/awesome movie weekend.

we had a busy, fun-filled long weekend this past one, but managed to sneak in a few movie viewings. all of which wound up blowing us away in their own special ways...as per the usual, our film suggestions do not entail you actually having to go to your local movie theater/spend a lot of money if perhaps you want to see them. how out-dated thoughtful we are!

man on wire - i've been wanting to see this one since it was out in theaters (shocking), and it was well worth the wait. it was an amazing little documentary. i felt the sort of inspiration that i think you're supposed to feel when you hear "i believe i can fly".

the bank job - from what i had read and heard about this one it seemed like many had chalked it up to being just another jason statham silly action flick (not that i think his action flicks are silly...the man is ridiculously hot, and starred in one of my most favorite movies of all time in which his character was named after my favorite meat of all time - he does no wrong in my book)...but it's not. it's actually a really really awesome heist film.

stepbrothers - we had no desire to see this one, until time warner cable started running a preview which involved a dive onto a bunkbed which then collapsed. as we are suckers for both pratfalls and bunkbeds, we decided to tune in. thank goodness we did - i haven't laughed so hard in ages (or days, at least). and beyond being hysterical, three words: copious dinosaur references! that automatically puts this movie on our beloved list.

ridiculous.

i happened upon VH1's new reality show 'Tool Academy' this afternoon. as i was getting dressed in my room when it came on and didn't want to waste the time to come back into the living room and change the channel, i got to listen to some of the most ridiculous stuff i've ever heard on television (and we sometimes watch some pretty ridiculous television). not that i should even bother trying to analyze these shows anymore because they are solely created for the morons out there who want their 15 minutes of fame, and not guys like this don't exist, because i've definitely ran into some of them in staten island bars...but really, what girl wants to admit to the world that she is dating a tool? and what self-respecting man decides to stay on a show after he finds out that it isn't a competition for "mr. awesome" (um, yes, really) but instead a show built around what a jackass he is? and really, where is a relationship supposed to go after one party sends the other party to 'tool academy'? imagine those dinner conversations.

i know - most of those couples probably aren't even real. but still - it boggles my mind the depths of asinine slop that winds up on tv. i won't give it anymore ratings. i won't. i won't.

******

almost as insane, but way more lovable (and fun to say), are sparkleballs. i have no idea where i'd put one, but i am thinking i need a sparkleball in my life. maybe two.

relics.

i've always been a picture person - it's rare that an event will happen and i won't have my camera around to document it. lately, with the holidays and whatnot, i've been snapping more pictures than usual, and so all i've been hearing is "you have to post the pics!". meaning on facebook. which is just so interesting how things have evolved that now that phrase has become the standard when discussing photo sharing (although i rather wish that it didn't, and so i still share all the photos via email, which is redundant, but more meaningful to me than just tagging everyone for the world to see).

and so the other day as i was posting up the latest reminders of recent good times, i looked over at my photo albums - of which i have an entire bookshelf (11 albums; 2 are empty awaiting the photos i have from Feb 2007 - present to stuff inside of them) of just ones from college and after, as anything pre-college is at our parents' house (i wasn't kidding when i said i am a picture person) - and wondered what is to become of them. it really wasn't so long ago that i was still eagerly waiting for my photos to be developed from CVS (always paying extra for one-hour service since i was just that impatient). then i was sending them around via photo-sharing websites, but still printing out copies for my albums. and now i'm nearly two years behind - goodness knows how many that means i need to print out. the limit for any outing used to be 24 pictures, since that was all we had room for on the roll - now i actually almost filled an entire album JUST with photos from my 26th birthday (granted it was a disco party, a glittery affair, which in our opinion warranted 100's of photos...but still). so i guess it's impossible for our leather-bound memory-keepers of finite space to keep up in the digital age, but i feel completely saddened at the thought of only looking at my photos on a computer for the rest of eternity. i'm thinking i'm not going to be able to do it - that connection you feel to a person/place/event when you're physically holding a photograph is something that i never want to give up.

******

so today is my two-month unemployment anniversary. which is crazy as i feel like it all just happened yesterday. on the flip side, part of me has completely forgotten what it is like to have an office to go to every weekday, and so i feel like it has to have been way longer than a mere eight weeks. but whether i’m in a moment where it feels fresh or forever doesn’t matter, it all still feels the same underneath...sucky.

all the content of my old office is still sitting in two shopping bags on my bedroom floor - which is so completely unlike me to have not wanted to put the stuff away yet, so i imagine it’s a psychological thing that i don’t care to unpack and organize the bags even though i’ll clean around them and under them – and it’s funny that i now sit here and look at them and wonder what the hell to do with all this crap anyway.

and for the past six years i never thought of the items in that manner – why, almost everything in those bags came with me from my first job to my last job because they were just that important – but now that i’ve become my own office (literally, as i caved and upgraded my phone to one with internet and email capabilities, and so as i continue on my somewhat nomadic not-tethered-to-a-desk-all-day existence i am able to conduct any and all business i may need to from a street corner), i really don’t know why i needed all that junk in the first place. the inspirational magnets? the plastic hippos? the stuffed cows? the mug from an ex that held pens that barely even work anymore? the ceramic dish of scented rocks?

what waste. i imagine i’ll be taking a minimalist approach to my future desk.

friday fuzziness.

we happened upon the show I Was Bitten on the Discovery Channel the other night, and although it wasn't something for the squeamish (i.e., us) it was highly fascinating. some sort of venomous serpent bit this one guy right in the stomach, and the venom wound up making this giant hole right under his bellybutton. you could see in to his intestine! we watched, entranced, with our hands over our eyes.

***

so speaking of venomous animals, take a look at this little guy - ADORABLE. i want to write a children's book about him. and cuddle with him. and dress him up in a little bonnet or top hat, and show him off to my guests at a dinner party.

my esophagus would never be able to handle this.

so i was at the gym last night - and this afternoon too. twice in 24 hours! i haven't done that since 1999 - and happened to catch a commercial for these. the visuals were so silly that i actually thought it was a joke at first, but no. it's not.

while i can completely see a benefit or two of a contraption like this, i also find it wildly disconcerting -- does this mean that corsets will be coming back? didn't my female ancestors spend hundreds of years breaking free of restraining upper-body garments, only for us to bring them back again? sigh.

the buzz.

is it just us, or are honey nut cheerios everywhere lately?

i probably hadn't eaten them since i was about 12 (the ecto-cooler effect totally applied there), and then a few weeks back missy was told she needed to be concerned with her cholesterol and our pantry became stocked with it, and i must admit, i've been hooked again since first bite.

so now we're eating hnc's for breakfast every morning, and suddenly we start seeing a commercial for them almost nightly. and then we went away with friends, and what was the cereal chosen for the house - not by missy or i - you betcha, honey nut cheerios.

i know - this could just be one big coincidence, but i smell a trend. a natural almond scented trend.

***

so i went about researching hnc's to see if i found anything that would explain this current resurgence - i did not - but instead found directions to make a cheerios bear. which, as far as the realm of food sculpture is concerned, is one of the cutest things i've seen in awhile. i hope family and friends feel the same way, since i'm thinking this will be my go-to gift for this year. happy birthday, have a cheerios bear!

and on to the next one.

happy '09 everyone - we're back to civilization after being snowed in the mountains of PA for the past few days. while we had an awesome time, our first lesson learned this new year is that we are just not cut out for cold weather vacations. not in the least. thankfully our friends packed extra waterproof outerwear. we did, however, discover that we are pretty amazing snowman makers.

so we're a few days behind on the news, but in case you haven't seen this nifty little list yet - glorious. i don't quite know how i'm going to pull it off, but eventually i will get a group together for a new year's trip to watch a sausage drop and a marshmallow peep drop.

auld lang whine.

this year we're heading out of town again to ring in the new year, so we'll do our requisite retrospective a few days early. as you might expect me to say, 08's been a pretty crap year, especially lately, and we're not too sad about waving goodbye to it. which is pretty ironic, considering my mantra last year at this time was 'eight is great' - and being that i'm born on the eighth, i have a good deal of egotistically-driven love for the number, and so went into it with all shades of wondrous expectations. too many, i suppose.

and while it wasn't all gloom and doom - there were, as always, a good number of amazing moments peppered throughout the past twelve months - i think i'll forever associate this past year with crying. i cried on subway platforms, and in cars, and on buses, and in banana republic, and key food, and port authority, and bars, and a restaurant, and all along 48th street; in three different states, and 4 out of the 5 boroughs.

***

and while this sounds nothing short of completely pathetic, one of the things i'm most proud of this year stems from this -- and that is that i never cried where it counted. during the most rotten moments of the year, a handful of them, i never lost my composure - they expected me to, and perhaps, in some instances, needed me to - but i held strong, and kept the despair fully in check until i was safely out of sight/earshot (random passersby be damned - i am pretty certain i horrified a good number of fellow new yorkers recently. apologies to all.) and i suppose this might be a dumb little victory to hang on to, but as i explained during a discussion i had about this last month, i feel in some small way that this was a major sign of growing up. at least for me, the sensitive gal who can tear up during gossip girl and californication (mind-boggling, i know). i somehow gained the poise to control the waterworks, and for that i am grateful.

which fits in with the fact that this year was probably my 'saturn return', an interesting phenomenon that dear reader hillary pointed out to me when i was contemplating what a big deal 28 was, at the time, surprisingly, turning out to be. and although in many respects this was a negative year, it was the most change-filled year i've had in quite awhile, and doing some things differently won't necessarily be a bad thing.

***

and finally, in completely falling apart i really became aware of the amazing support system i have. my girls - high school, college, and workplace ones - and my family have been so incredible i don't think i can ever properly put in to words how grateful i am for them all. at the risk of giving this post the honor of housing loveandcyanide's sappiest statement - but it will - i honestly am looking back right now not feeling at all bitter, but instead blessed.

alright, enough. considering this was started as a forum for 'high seas adventures' - a purportedly fun place on the internet - we sincerely thank you, you few dear readers, for standing by during these most dour times.

we truly hope that the new year brings about more happy and exciting adventures for us to document...and we wish the same for you all as well.

happy new year.

wrapping/wagon wrongdoing.

from probably the moment i was able to properly wield a scissor, our father has had me play the role of his official present wrapper during the holiday season. by 'season', i mean the very last minute, the night before Christmas, i.e. Christmas Eve. when the feasting and family-ness and midnight mass are all done with, i gather my rolls of christmasy paper, father deposits his shopping bags of gifts for my mother in my room, and i wrap gifts for him through the wee hours of the morning*.

similar to my stint as a "first flute" in band class**, my title as official present wrapper was gained through false presumptions - in this case, my father thinking that as the eldest daughter i must wrap presents well. i don't. at all. i don't know why - i'm relatively creative and neat, and can do other things that someone would assume an expert-wrapper could do - but yet i can't manage to cover a box without ripped corners and conspicuous pieces of tape placed willy-nilly. and yet, year after year, bags of presents are deposited in my care for me to crappily wrap.

this year my mother got in on the act, and so i spent a good portion of my holiday badly wrapping gifts for every member of our family. while amusing myself with my horrific papered creations, i also wondered why there are so few technological advances when it comes to gift-wrapping? it's such an archaic system -- there's gotta be a better way.

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in further news on the injustices front, a special request was made for us to blog*** about the following insanity:

travesty.

from the article: "outfitted with 5-point safety harnesses, padded seats, cup holders, foot brakes and fold-out storage containers...But that's just for starters...there's a digital handle that tracks temperature, time, distance and speed...And there's a slot for an MP3 player, complete with speakers, for some cruising tunes."

wtf. it's a wagon. someone pulls you in it down the block, you don't take road trips in it!


*no exaggeration here: i'm up all night, every christmas eve, wrapping gifts. last year i passed out drunk at 1am, napped for an hour, and THEN woke up and wrapped them. and it's not just me - most years our entire house is abuzz until at least 4am, solely with gift-wrapping. if there is one thing our family does quite well, it is procrastinate.


**in junior high school, i was a 'first flute', meaning i got to sit in the front row of the flute section, and play the more superior flute parts in the arrangements (arrangements like an aladdin medley - don't get too impressed). i am not at all being modest when i say this - i literally had no flute-playing ability. none. i could barely make noise come out of the thing, let alone the proper noise. i spent most of my band hours flirting with the trumpet section, gossiping, and wondering how gross the little stick that cleaned the inside of your flute could actually get.

so why, do you ask, did i get this glorified position within the school band? i truly don't know. it wasn't based on skill. my only reasoning is that it was because i shared a music stand with my friend mary, who was an amazing flute player. and sitting next to mary, and clearly being adept at feigning flute playing, was enough to make our band teacher assume that i too could play with the top-tier flutists in the class.

what this truly says about me i'd rather not know, but i'd like to believe this says something about my ability to look capable at all times, and so this 'first flute theory' has come into play a few times through the years, and most definitely applies to my holiday job.


***blog requests are quite rare, but they do completely make our day when they occur. thanks B!

and a centipede in a pear tree.

while we were hoping for a visit from santa claus and his prancing reindeer this week, instead i had an encounter earlier today with a less welcome guest -- a house centipede.

if you've never come across one of these buggers before, this is what they look like. according to my vast internet research - and you know i've done vast internet research; the first time i spied something that sinister-looking in my personal space i freaked out and immediately scoured the web for answers/support/weaponry - they are insectivores, meaning they are useful bugs as they eat other insects. which is probably true, as we've been living in our apartment for over a year and with the exception of three random centipede sightings see little to no ants or spiders or worse, which is great and all, but still - they are completely the stuff of nightmares.

especially that i found this guy on my windowsill about six inches from my pillow. my pillow! where i lay my innocent head to dream. i feel immensely violated. thank goodness we're spending the next few days holiday-ing it up at our parents' house, or else i'd be sleeping in a ski mask tonight.

******

and so since this will be our last post before the holiday, we'd like to wish all our readers who are celebrating a most merry christmas, and leave you with something a little more jolly and lovable than a hundred-legged insect:




**you may note that the reporter states that 'a few select visitors are allowed to toboggan with the animals' -- my new life goal is to be one of those select few.

uncle!

maybe it's because yesterday was a super snow day (see fig. 1), or because all i saw out on thursday night were drunk people in santa hats leaving their office holiday parties, or because i finally purchased a christmas present, or because santa was the name of javier bardem's character in the excellent film i watched yesterday (Mondays in the Sun), or because i was coerced into decorating everything in sight by my family earlier in the week (see fig. 2 and 3), or because of that sappy song that gonzo sang during the muppet special that has been stuck in my head since wednesday night...

but goshdarnit, i LOVE christmas and i'm not going to let a few crappy weeks ruin my favorite holiday.

*insert glorious fanfare here*

Fig. 1: There was so much snow even this polar bear needed proper headgear.

Fig. 2: The 'Dicken's Village' setup over the entertainment center. There are two more sections of the village, including a lighted tree in the 'town square', carefully arranged throughout our parents' living room. Notice my skilled creation of hills using a 'fake snow' blanket and piles of textbooks.


Fig. 3: Four of the six aforementioned holiday trees that are hanging around our apartment. This year we centered them all around my new BFF, the television, so i suppose i'd have to be blind not to let all the twinkly, blinkly merriment get to me.

wild on wednesday.

i am highly, highly intrigued* by this.


******

so i was summoned to 'unemployment class' today, and took a nice little excursion to flushing (which took over an hour) to sit in a classroom for the most pointless 1/2 hour i've ever spent. i understand the state needs me to do something to deserve the money i'm collecting from them, but there has to be another slightly more useful activity i could have partaken in. i would have happily done a few hours of community service. instead i had to dutifully raise my hand when the bored instructor asked if anyone "had ever networked before", and feign interest when he suggested looking for jobs on this website called monster.com. i understand that there was a wide variety of professional skill level in that room - ranging from pretty much none to high - and that clearly those in more need do need a class like that, but for rest of us who did not require resume writing or even english language assistance from the dept of labor, we could have totally done something more worthwhile. and even show our thanks for the support as we did.

just a thought.

******

and since tonight was the big night - we're happy to report that the new muppet christmas special totally lived up to the hype. (just our own hype, we know)

missy even commented that "miss piggy looked hot" so clearly they went all out for this special.



*although a little scared at the part when the king appears on the bear rug. why the hell are his legs hairless? with a beard like that?? no way.